He didn't think he could love her anymore
by stars90
Summary: boy was he an idiot (listen, i know it's listed as Kate and Alexis, but don't worry, there's plenty of Casckett, but there's only 2 character spaces, so...) (It's my 1st ever fanfic, please review, please be nice)
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: much as I might like to, if I owned C_astle_ then Andrew Marlowe wouldn't, and then it wouldn't be the same so much as I might enjoy it, I don't own it.

Alexis hung up the phone and sighed. _So much for the terrific catch up sleepover with Paige._ She had missed her old friend since she'd gone to college and had been looking forward to spending the time with her for weeks, but now as it turned out Paige had a huge family get together and couldn't make it.

"_Oh well, guess there's always next time_." Alexis thought to herself, trying hard not to let herself get too bummed out at the news. "_Yeah, and how's that working out for you?_", answered a sardonic voice in her head. Telling the voice in no uncertain terms to shut up and get lost, Alexis decided to head back downstairs and see if her father and Kate were done eating yet. With her grandmother out of town it had just been the three of them, although Alexis knew that Kate was very likely going to have to leave pretty soon; their offer of a movie had been turned down due to some regularly scheduled departmental something or other which for some reason none of them could fathom had been placed in the very early hours of the morning this month, meaning Kate had to get up even earlier than usual.

Walking downstairs, Alexis listened for the voices of her dad and Kate bantering back and forth but the only noise she could hear was some kind of strange song she'd never heard before. There were no words, just a tune, but the tune was almost hauntingly beautiful. Alexis could almost feel her mood swaying to the notes, sleepover or no sleepover. Trying to figure out where this music was coming from she walked into the kitchen. To say the sight that greeted her wasn't what she'd been expecting would've been an understatement. Standing at the sink washing their dinner dishes was Kate Beckett, the notes Alexis had found so enchanting coming out of her mouth. Somehow it was hard for Alexis to think of the fierce dedicated warrior woman humming. Oh, she liked music, to be sure, she and Alexis had even compared ipod lists on more than one occasion, Alexis finding the detective's taste in music terrific. They'd even sang along to their music together a few times, but this was different, this was _humming_. It just seemed too ordinary for their extraordinary companion.

"Kate?", Alexis called out to her to get her attention.

"Hey sweetie, how's Paige?", Kate replied, looking up from the dishes she was washing.

"Oh, she's doing fine," Alexis replied simply, not wanting to get back into the melancholy mood their conversation had generated. "Where's Dad?", she asked, trying to change the subject.

Kate's eyes narrowed, sensing that something about the conversation with Paige had gotten sent Alexis' mood into a dip, but simply replied "getting raked over the coals by Gina in his office, she called about five minutes ago and your dad got that look that signaled that this was not going to be a quick conversation."

"Oh yes, I know that look _very_ well," Alexis replied, causing both women to laugh.

"Your ice cream's still in the glass, but I put it into the fridge so it wouldn't melt while you were gone," Kate said as she took another plate over to the sink. Alexis was getting a strange feeling inside, but couldn't understand where it was coming from or what it meant, so she put it aside for later and simply said "thanks" as she went over to the fridge to take her ice cream. "You know you don't have to do the dishes right, Kate? You can leave them for my father or I to do later, you're our guest after all." As the words left Alexis' mouth she found that strange feeling coming back again, but again she couldn't make sense of it, so she set it aside. "Oh come on, I'm not going to leave you guys with all the cleanup, bad enough I didn't get here in time to help you with dinner." Kate needed to feel like she was bringing something to the table. As much as things had changed since she and Castle started dating, there were still times she felt like she wasn't doing enough to reciprocate the feeling of family Alexis and Martha had given her.

"So is Paige also psyched for the big sleepover?", Kate asked, trying to determine why Alexis seemed so much more moody than when she'd left the table to answer her phone. "Oh, she had to cancel," Alexis tried to throw it out offhand like it was no big deal, but she knew that was probably hopeless: very little she could've done would have gotten something like this past Kate.

"Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry, I know how much you've been looking forward to this."

"Seriously Kate, it's not a big deal, it happens."

"Come on sweetie, Lex, you've been talking about this thing about once or twice a minute for the last couple of weeks. Even if it's not Paige's fault, it still has to hurt."

Alexis sighed, knowing Kate knew she was right and wouldn't let it go without trying to comfort her. "Yeah, I am kind of sad about it, but it is what it is right? Looking on the bright side, I guess I'll have extra time to study."

Kate laughed to herself, Alexis never ceased to amaze her. Even though she knew Alexis was just trying to put on a brave face, no other teenager Kate had ever met would've been able to call that looking on the bright side. "That's true, no doubt about that, but you still need to get out and have some fun. Tell you what, Sunday, you and me, girls day out." Kate blurted it out without thinking, immediately wishing she could take it back. She wanted so badly to reach out to Alexis, but she didn't want to push too hard. She loved Alexis, both for how much she meant to the man she'd fallen in love with and simply for her. As far as Kate was concerned it was impossible to know Alexis and not love her. Whether it was the girl herself, or the Castle in her she didn't know, but quite frankly she didn't care. Now she'd blurted it out and her mind started racing a mile a minute to find a way to take it back a little, so as to have it as an offer with no pressure, but before she could come up with any kind of solution Alexis flashed her a delighted smile and responded with an emphatic "Perfect!" As soon as she was certain her heart had started beating again she smiled back and said "okay then, it's settled", and she turned back to the dishes, trying to get her heart rate back down to a manageable level at the realization that she hadn't just sent Alexis Castle scurrying for cover at the thought of spending time with her, au contraire she'd even sounded genuinely excited about it. All of a sudden, she heard Alexis' voice cutting through the silence again. "Kate, what's that you're humming?"

Kate looked up in surprise; she hadn't even noticed that she'd started humming again, but she supposed it made sense."It's nothing sweetheart, if it's bothering you I'll stop."

"No, No, I didn't mean that, it was just making me feel…" Kate turned around as Alexis trailed off to find her turning beet red and staring intently at her ice cream, at her shoes, at the ceiling, at pretty much anything stare atable that wasn't Kate Beckett.

"Feel.."

"Oh nothing, nothing at all…," Alexis replied, still trying so hard to avoid looking at Kate that Kate was half afraid she was going to snap her neck. "Lex…?"

"It was making me feel better" Alexis mumbled almost unintelligibly. Kate felt her lips start curling upward. Alexis had just admitted she was upset. Kate knew from recent experience how hard, and how important that was. _Well, if we're admitting emotional things…_

"My mom used to hum that."

Alexis was positive she couldn't have heard that right. "Wh-…what?"

"When my mother would wash the dishes every night, she'd hum that song as she did it. Told me her mother had done it for her, and her mother for her, way back to who knows when. Always made me feel better whenever I'd hear it."

Alexis could understand why, it was beautiful. She sheepishly said as much.

"Come here, I'll teach it to you." Alexis walked over and grabbed a plate, and they set to work. Such was the scene that Richard Castle came out to a few minutes later. Swallowing the lump that had settled in his throat at the sight of the woman he loved more than anything except the woman next to her washing the dishes together, singing, laughing, and splashing, he reluctantly broke into the conversation. "Well, I still have my head. I even think I have half of my hearing." He couldn't help but grin as the two turned as one and rolled their eyes at his standard childish antics as if they'd rehearsed it for years. _Yeah_, he thought to himself, _does life get any better than this_?


	2. Chapter 1

Thank you so much for the wonderful comments on the prologue, please keep them coming! And now, on to Chapter 1!

Disclaimer (see previous chapter)

(a few months later)

Kate Beckett was in trouble.

She knew it, there was no getting around it. The walls were closing in on her, her concentration was slipping at a time when it could ill-afford to, for even the tiniest lapse could prove fatal.

"And as you'll see from the figures on Chart B for traffic citations…"

Kate sighed inwardly. Captain Victoria "Iron" Gates' voice rang out through the conference room at the full-precinct briefing. Beckett wanted nothing more than to roll over and go to sleep, but she knew that if it even seemed like she wasn't paying attention her Captain would have her for breakfast. The meeting had dragged on for two hours with no end in sight. Kate didn't know how much more she could stand. She knew her teammates Javier Esposito and Kevin Ryan well enough to see even through their brave façade that they were feeling similarly suicidal. The only slim advantage (at least she was trying to see it that way, yet still failing miserably) she had was the supremely uncomfortable plastic chair she was seated on making it more difficult to doze off. She didn't even have a date with Castle to look forward to at the end, what with him being off signing books. Even though he was only in the next county over, her shift tomorrow meant she couldn't get home too late tonight, so it was down to a cup of wine and a good (meaning Castle) book.

"Hmm… maybe I'll invite Lanie over Kate thought to herself. We haven't had a girl's night in a while…" Just as the thought formed in her head, her phone blared for attention. Everyone in the room turned to look at her, Captain Gates with a plain look of annoyance on her face. "Detective Beckett, do you mind? We're in the middle of a meeting here."

Feeling her face go red, Kate reached for her phone to turn it off, making a mental note to visit a form-of-punishment-to-be-determined on whoever had called her. But just as the phone came up, the caller ID caught her eye. It wasn't in the phone, but it had the number. "I don't know anyone with that area code except… Alexis's school!"

All thoughts of her embarrassment forgotten, she answered the call. "Beckett", she barked, ignoring the look Captain Gates was giving her.

"Is this Katherine Beckett?" asked a voice from the other end.

"It is", Beckett replied.

"Emergency contact for Alexis Castle?"

Interrupting her Captain's "Detective…" Kate snapped into the phone, "is she alright? Did something happen?"

"Ms. Beckett, my name is…"

"Cut the spiel and tell me about Alexis!", Kate snapped in to the phone. That got the particular attention of Ryan and Esposito, but Beckett wouldn't have noticed if it had gotten the attention of the President right then and there.

"Ms. Beckett, Alexis passed out in class."

Being snared by a bungee chord from an airplane must feel something like this Kate thought as the world spun in a thousand different directions.

"Have you contacted her father? What about her grandmother?"

"We were unable to reach either. Your name is downs as Ms. Castle's next emergency contact."Kate hadn't known about that, but she'd consider that statement and all it meant later. Why hadn't they been able to reach Castle or Martha? Wait, Kate suddenly remembered the embarrassing incident of the fan girl who answered her call a couple of months back and slowed down the line. Ever since then Paula had been confiscating Rick's phone at official events. Making a mental note to visit Paula with a blunt object, Kate wondered about Martha before remembering the play her acting class was putting on today.

Terrific, Kate thought to herself. "Is she alright?" Kate asked the man on the phone, not even concerning herself with anyone's reaction. "The doctors are checking her now. They say they'll know more soon."

"One moment please", Kate shot back, her mind now in full overdrive. "Alexis passed out in class," she called to Ryan and Esposito. As much as they'd been bugging them the whole meeting, at this point it turned out to be a very good thing these seats were plastic, for had anything harder hit gone flying into the wall at the speed of the two detectives' chairs it probably would've gone straight through and rained down on innocent pedestrians below, not that they'd have noticed.

"What do you want us to do?",Espo shot at her.

Kate quickly gave them the locations of Castle and his mother and sent Ryan after Martha and Espo after Rick.

"Man, I'm gonna need a tranq for Castle," Espo said as he and Ryan took to vaulting over chairs and cops alike to reach the door. "Yeah and preferably a bullet for Paula," Kate shot back as she continued getting details from the man on her phone. As one the three cops charged for the emergency stairs thinking the elevator'd be too slow.

On the stairs Kate's phone rang again. "Lanie?", Kate quickly answered as she ran.

"What's going on with Alexis?", the ME answered in an urgently worried tone.

"How'd you know?", Kate replied.

"A little birdie told me."

Glancing at that little birdie pushing Ryan to run faster and marveling for a split second at his speed-texting ability, Kate quickly brought Lanie up to speed with what she knew.

"I'll be ready to go by the time you get here," came her reply.

"Lanie…"Kate began but was quickly interrupted.

"KATHERINE BECKETT IF YOU'RE NOT IN FRONT OF THIS BUILDING IN FIVE MINUTES…."

Beckett tuned out the rest as she put on a burst of speed to get to her car. Fumbling for her keys she cut in to the still-shouting Medical Examiner, "alright, alright, I'm coming, you had me at Katherine Beckett."

"Darn straight, Girl, now get your butt over here."

"I'm on my way", Kate replied as she hung up and turned the key in the ignition, desperately hoping for Alexis to be okay, and sped off faster than even a cop is usually supposed to.


	3. Chapter 2

**I'm so sorry it's taking me so long to update, just have a lot on my plate right now. Anyway, here's the next chapter. Thank you so much for the wonderful comments, please keep them coming. And hopefully when I'm done with mid-terms, papers, and putting on a play I'll be able to update faster. And away we go!**

Richard Castle was bored.

He knew how to put a smile on his face and go with it for the crowd, but the truth was he was ready to tear his hair out. Sitting in a chair signing book after book gets old very quickly. Even quicker when he has to turn away crowds of obsessed fan girls that he had absolutely no interest in. But there was one thought keeping him smiling, and ironically it came out of those fan girls he had no interest in.

Castle had been married twice, and in both marriages he'd had to deal with book signings galore. Every time, there were ladies coming up to the best-selling author to ask him out in some fashion (Yes, Castle thought to himself, I am keeping it at asking out because if I was more explicit I might puke on my next customer). Castle always turned them away; he was not the kind of man to cheat on a woman (even if the same couldn't be true for said woman…), but he'd always been flattered by the attention. Plenty of times he'd had a nice girl walk up to him and thought to himself that if he hadn't been married he might've said yes to that one or this one. But in the last few months, for all the interest he'd had in his female admirers they might as well have all been big purple blobs of goo that had learned to talk. He didn't care about the attention, and didn't think of any of the girls, and he didn't have to look far to figure out why. It was her. Kate. His heart. His soul. His everything. His always. (He often wondered to himself if he could possibly love her more. Somehow, he didn't think so.) That was where his smile came from. Every girl that that he politely declined reminded him of Kate, and her face in his mind equals a smile on his face. And these days that meant a smile on his face pretty much all the time.

And he really needed that smile right now. This girl in front of him was a driving him a little (maybe more than a little) crazy. She'd been standing there for a full minute trying to get him out on a date, refusing to take no for an answer. Rick was thinking very very hard of Beckett, knowing that if he didn't she might end up having to come down for him in an official capacity if this girl kept it up much longer.

"One drink…"

"No, thank you"

"Oh come on, you…"

"Lady, do yourself a favor and quit while you're behind, his girlfriend sleeps with a gun."

Turning at the sound of the voice, an actual, here in the now smile came onto his face at the sight of his friend and co-worker Detective Esposito coming up to him.

"Oh please, he doesn't have a girlfriend, why would he when he's got…"

"**Detective"**, Castle emphasized with a frozen smile as his patience snapped, " could I possibly get you to get all these spectators to look away for one minute? Might need your gun too?"

That shut her up and sent her scurrying on her way.

"Thanks, Esposito, you're a life saver. What're you doing here? Not that I'm not pleased to see you, especially given your timing…"

"Bro, we need to go."

Castle was startled by the serious look on the cop's face, but before his mind could take another step, a his attention was diverted by a chair being forced on top of him, trapping him where he was. Turning, he saw Paula, his agent, looming over him holding said chair firmly in place.

"Sorry, Detective, but this is actually his job. I need him here. This time, I'm putting my foot down. You can't have him."

"Bro, we've been trying to reach you. Alexis collapsed. She was in class when…" Esposito cut himself off in favor of ducking as chair and agent alike went flying, missing him by only an inch or two.

"What? What happened? Is she okay? I need to get to her! I..."

"Castle! I'll answer you if you let me talk. She's being to a hospital near the campus. Beckett got the call when they couldn't reach you or your mom…" Esposito trailed off again as the writer turned a murderous glare on the agent who was too shocked to have picked herself up from where she'd fallen after Castle's abrupt act of standing up had knocked her to. "I am soooo going to kill you Paula, you said you'd watch the phone for messages…" "Don't worry bro, Beckett already told me to take care of that part for you, she's on her way to Alexis now with Lanie. Let me get you to your shrimp."

Grabbing his coat and his phone from where Paula had stashed them, Castle charged from the room so fast even Esposito was hard-pressed to keep up. "_Please let her be okay_…"

* * *

Kate charged into the hospital with Lanie on her heels, desperately trying not to panic. "_Please let her be okay…Please let her be okay…_," the mantra went on and on. It didn't matter that Alexis wasn't her daughter, this sweet, mature, incredible girl was as close to her own flesh and blood as she could possibly be. Kate would've thought she the world of her if she was a random kid she met on the street, how could anyone not? But she didn't just meet her in a vacuum, she met her as Castle's daughter, the person who brought out the soul of the man she loved, the one who showed her the first glimpse of who he was and why he was worthy of her heart. "_She has to be okay…_"

The two women barreled down the hallway, coming to a stop at the room they'd been directed to. Kate could see the redhead lying on the bed with her eyes closed, no sense that the world around her existed. A doctor walked up to them holding a clipboard, but Kate was showing no sign of removing even half her attention from Alexis, so Lanie took over this particular interrogation and then turned to Beckett.

"Kate?"

Kate murmured to show that half her attention was on the ME, but her mind was experienced enough at multi-tasking to screen out the important bits she wanted to know.

"It looks like she simply fainted, the doctor thinks that she's suffering from long-name-of-disease-I'm-not-interested-in. Her lots-of-long-medical-words-I'm-not-interested-in are stable, they've started her on antibiotics. She'll be out of it for a while, but she should be fine. (At which point her relief, coupled with her experience having identified what she wanted to hear, withdrew even that half of her attention from the rest of Lanie's explanation) "_She's __gonna __be okay… She's __gonna__ be okay…"_ the mantra had changed to.

Kate decided quickly she liked this mantra much better.

**Don't worry, it's not over, that'd be a pretty lame story. We haven't even gotten to the good part yet. I ultimately decided Martha's POV didn't really fit in the story as well, but if anyone wants to convince me otherwise I'd more than happy to change it. Please, comments are welcomed and encouraged, as is constructive criticism.**


	4. Chapter 3

**Sorry it's taken me so long to repost. Thank you s much for the wondeful reviews. Without further ado, I present to you, Chapter 3!**

Kate was starting to wonder if she should stop gazing through the hospital window at the resting redhead on the other side. After all, how healthy could it be for her heart to be jumping back and forth between the two as though on a bungy cord? _Oh well, if I have a heart attack, at least I won't have to travel very far. _

After the Doctor's reassurances that Alexis would be all right, Kate had taken to standing at the window staring at her. Lanie had joined her in her vigil for some time before moving off to make phone calls to the members of their little family who hadn't gotten there yet. Kate knew she should probably help get the calls done faster, but she couldn't bring herself to move away from the window, something Lanie had understood if the restraining arm she'd placed on Kate's shoulder at her one clearly half-hearted attemt to assist her had been any indication. Understood better than Beckett did herself to be perfectly honest.

The logical, rational, Detective Beckett was simply mystified at some of the emotions runnning through Kate, the woman. The fear and frustration, she understood. Alexis meant a lot to her, independent of the fact that she was the sun behind the smile of the man she loved with every fiber of her being. But it was more than that. She stood at the window with her eyes peeled on the girl in front of her, the act of staring keeping utter helplessness at bay, almost as if by keeping her under constant watch as close as she could she could wrap Alexis up and protect her from everything. That if she looked at her hard enough and long enough, she might see some magic door she could use to get inside Alexis and beat away the germs that had dared to mess with this precious girl, one by one if need be. Kate sighed to herself. If she'd learned anything from the long dance she'd had with Castle, it was that she needed to stop analyzing her emotions so much and just let them be. It was at that point that a loud noise and the pounding of running footsteps brought Kate out of her reverie causing her to instinctively take a step in front of the door to Alexis' room even as she looke for the source.

Thankfully, that source was secure. In fact, that source was security itself as far as she was concerned.

* * *

Richard Castle was barreling down the hallway towards her, a trained soldier and homicide detective hard-pressed to keep up. "Where is she? How is she? Is there any change? Have the doctors said anything more? What's?..."

At least these were the things he was trying to say. If Beckett's face was any indictation, the speed at which these questions flew out of his mouth made them sound more like a bee than anything else. "Rick!", Kate interrupted the blubbering tirade. "She's fine, she's asleep. There's no change. The doctors say she's perfectly okay now, she's just gonna be a little out of it and need a lot of rest." Castle's sigh of relief was so strong the several of Beckett's auburn locks got knocked around. "Best news I've had since... I don't care when. Can I see her?"

"Yeah she's not contagious," Beckett responded, "but be careful not to wake her."

Giving the woman he loved beaming smile, he decided to see if he could make them both feel better by making a quick effort at getting a smile out of her. "You know me, careful's my middle name." Moving past the eye-rolling police officer, Castle slowly opened the door and slipped into the room where the doctor was quietly busy monitoring his daughter. After a quick, whispered introduction and a nod from the other man, Castle approached his little girl and brushed a stray red hair out of her face. He didn't know how long he'd been standing there when he heard a soft mumble.

Not sure if this was the mumble of a dream or if it had been meant for him Castle whispered back as softly as thought wise, "It's me Alexis, what?"

Motioning him closer with her hand, Alexis leaned her head up slightly to speak. "Didn't a certain someone tell you staring is creepy?"

Snorting with laughter he supressed as much as he could, Castle answered, "I really need to have a talk with Kate about the influence she's having on you."

"Uh huh, be honest Dad, between the two of you, whose influence would you rather I had?"

"I think I'm gonna need to plead the fifth on that one."

"You know, if I'd known following her around would supply you with more ways to get out of admitting things you know to be true, I might have tried to stop you following Beckett around all these years," came a droll voice from the doorway.

"Hey Gram. How're you doing?"

"Oh kiddo, I really think I should be the one asking you that question."

"Tired, really tired, but I'm okay."

"Uh huh, sure you are, you have your father's stubborn "I'm alright" streak, that's for sure."

Alexis responded with a weak smile before leaning back into her pillows and closing her eyes, her father and grandmother alternatively smoothing out her hair.

"Daddy?" The soft question came several minutes later.

"I'm here, Alexis."

"I can't sleep"

"Can I get you anything? Want the doctor to give you something? Want me to run and get you a store-full of teddy bears?"

"Well..." Alexis trailed off tentatively.

"Alexis, tell me. Anything you need, your wish is my command," Castle replied, ready to run off to the edge of the Earth for whatever his little girl wanted.

Her request was somewhat closer as well as being the last thing he'd expected. Inclining her head slightly toward the window, Alexis said "Can you get Kate?"

**Please review! Constructive Criticism is welcome!**


	5. Chapter 4

**Sorry about the long wait; finals. Anyway, you folks have waited long enough, on to the story!**

If someone had told Richard Castle 5 years ago that he would find himself on Cloud 9 would be while he was gazing down at his daughter lying in a hospital bed he'd have said they were insane. On the other hand, the same could be said of many of the things that had happened to him since he'd met Kate Beckett.

Grinning like the Cheshire cat, Rick bent to give Alexis a kiss on the cheek and turned to walk toward the door. It's funny how these things happen, Castle reflected to himself. Under any other circumstances he'd probably feel horribly disappointed and jealous of the fact that the person his daughter wanted to comfort her wasn't him. Given Alexis' mother's lack of interest in her life there weren't 2 separate parental figures with similar roles in her life, but just Castle. Sure, his mother filled in where she could, but it wasn't quite the same. If there was one thing Castle regretted about how his relationship with Alexis had worked out it was that he hadn't been able to give her a mother. In fact, on later reflection he'd realized that this was the principle motivation behind his marriage to Gina, trying to find someone to fill that role. But that attempt had fallen flat on it's face because he'd picked someone that didn't mean enough to him and vice versa, and he'd come to understand that this meant a great deal about her interactions with Alexis, especially since she only ever interact with Alexis because of Castle. After this flop, Rick had resigned himself to never being able to give that part of life to Alexis, so he'd settled for trying to create as much overlap from his own role as he could. But he'd fallen madly in love with Kate for herself, completely independent of her role or lack-thereof in Alexis' life, and Kate had come to care for Alexis while she was still in the stage of barely being able to stand his presence (and isn't it ironic that I'm standing here grateful that phase happened?). With these things in place, the only missing link was Alexis' reaction to her. If Alexis didn't see her that way Rick would still want to spend the rest of his life with Kate, it would just be disappointing that Alexis would never have a woman with a role in her life parallel to Rick's own. But Alexis had just asked for her, Kate, the woman of his dreams, and Castle found himself in the same position he'd been in so many times over the years with Kate: thinking he couldn't love her any more, than slapping himself on the back of the head for being an idiot.

As Rick came out the door, Kate turned to him and asked, "is she okay? Does she need anything? Is there anything we can do for her?" To any random person passing by she'd appear calm and collected asking these questions, no different than asking for an update on leads on a murder case, but it had been a long time since Castle had been a random person passing by. He knew Kate Beckett, and he knew that look on her face, the look that said "I am the spear, point me in the right direction and nothing will stop me unless it kills me." In the past Castle had only associated that look with her mother's case. That this was the look she was giving to deal with the happiness of his daughter absolutely floored him. Well, at least two could play the flooring game.

"Yes, actually. She asked for you." Castle knew he'd regret not having a camera ready for that moment until his dying day.

"M-m-me?", Kate practically whispered.

"Yes, you. I know, you'd think she'd want her cute and fun father around, but…." Kate didn't even let him finish his glib banter, choosing instead to push past him into the room toward the redhead's bed.

"Kate?" came the weak whisper.

"It's me Lex, I'm here. How are you feeling?"

"Could be worse. Dad could be trying to make me comfort food like when I was six and down with the flu." Both girls chuckled as Castle clutched at his hear from closer to the door whining about being betrayed by his own flesh and blood.

"Is there anything you need, Lex, maybe some sleeping pills from the doctor?"

"No more pills, but there is something Kate."

"Your wish is my command."

Alexis looked sheepish. "Could… could you…"

Castle's head was spinning. What was it that Alexis wanted from Kate specifically and that she was so nervous to ask for? He knew his love, she'd bend over backwards for his little girl, especially with her in this state.

"Lex, seriously, you name it, you got it."

"Okay… could you hum that song. The song you learned from your mom?"

Castle was stunned. That Kate could share something that important with his daughter, and in such a way that it became important and soothing to her… who was that idiot who kept saying he couldn't love her any more?

From the pale look on Beckett's face, Castle could tell she was stunned as well. Several more seconds passed before Alexis opened her mouth, clearly regretting having asked Kate for this. But before she could start stuttering apologies, soft musical notes began to emanate from Beckett's mouth. Castle was mesmerized by the image of humming brunette standing over his daughter, stroking her hair as she went on. Knowing his daughter as he did, he could see the effect the humming was having, as she grew relaxed and content, and then finally, her eyelid's started to droop. Castle watched, his heart threatening to burst, as Beckett, seeing this, finished humming and leaned down to place a tender kiss on the girls forehead. "Goodnight, Sweetheart."

As Beckett began to turn around, Castle started shifting his body to face Kate more directly, both partners thinking the redhead asleep, when Castle heard something that he'd never have imagined. Something that made his heart's previous escape attempts from his chest look positively tame by comparison, which was impressive given that it was only a soft murmur. He could tell immediately that his partner had heard it as well, as all the color drained from her face.

"Goodnight, Mommy."

Boy was he an idiot!


	6. Chapter 5

**Hello All! My apologies for the long wait. This chapter was going to be longer, but then I made a major change in how I wanted to end it. As always constructive criticism is not only permitted but encouraged. On to the story!**

Kate watched Castle interacting with his daughter from outside the hospital room and couldn't help the swell of emotion that came every time he saw the two of them together. He was such an incredible father. This was the man she'd fallen in love with, right there. Not the famous author, not the rich play-boy womanizer, but the doting father, the man who loved with every ounce of his being. She couldn't help but be floored sometimes that a man capable of such boundless affection found her, Kate Beckett, walking wounded homicide detective worthy. But who was she to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Her eyes shifted from the tall, handsome visage of her partner down to the redhead lying in bed capturing his attention. Yet again she felt a connection, so different yet so right. So familiar but so foreign. It was almost like looking through the wrong end of binoculars. She couldn't understand what was happening, but at this point, she didn't really care. Alexis was okay, and was going to stay that way, and that's what mattered. And somehow, instead of squelching it, that thought simply brought her back around to this odd feeling of being connected to Alexis… _strange._

Her thoughts continued on in this pattern for some time, until she saw her man stepping away from his beloved daughter, and walking out of the room before stopping and turning to face her. Wondering why Castle would come out at a time like this Kate hurriedly began questioning Castle. "Is she okay? Does she need anything? Is there anything we can do for her?" Kate couldn't understand why Castle was gazing at her with the look that usually signified him being about to deliver a punch line. "Yes, actually. She asked for you." Hmm… maybe punch line was the right word for it, if that feeling in her stomach was any indication. Alexis want _her_? "M-m-me?", she stammered out, seeking some kind of confirmation.

"Yes, you. I know, you'd think she'd want her cute and fun father around, but…." Castle never had the chance to finish the sentence as Kate brushed past him. It was odd, that feeling of being connected, drawn towards Alexis… she felt a tug not unlike the time Lisa Stenison had pulled her hair in the 6th grade (the 1st and consequently last time anyone had attempted that), but this was in her chest. In her heart.

"Kate?" Her heart was breaking at this sweet girl sounding so tired and vulnerable.

"It's me Lex, I'm here. How are you feeling?"

"Could be worse. Dad could be trying to make me comfort food like when I was six and down with the flu." Kate could feel laughter bubbling up inside of her, joining in with the redhead on the bed over the weak protests from the victimized father. Kate went on to ask Alexis if she needed anything, unable to understand why she seemed so reluctant. _She's laid out in a hospital bed, why is she nervous about asking me for something?_ "Could you hum that song? The song you learned from you mom? _Oh. That's why._

To say Kate was surprised was an understatement. She was growing to understand why the phrase having the rug pulled out from under you had been coined. As if the shock of the request weren't enough, the lack of expected panicky clamming up she associated with people bringing up things from her mother certainly stirred the pot up even more. For some reason, the thought of humming for Alexis didn't scare her. Just like when she'd first hummed it with her back in Casa de Castle kitchen, it seemed… right somehow, sharing things from her mother with Alexis.

Refocusing on the scene before her, Kate could see Alexis beginning to panic, opening her mouth, clearly about to retract the request. Kate cut her off with the notes she was hearing for only the second time in more than fifteen years. If she had any doubts at all about her decision, they dissolved into nothing as the tired young woman's frantically apologetic expression melted into a sleepy, relaxed, utterly heart-meltingly peaceful smile. Instinct kicked in, just like the instincts she'd honed for the field but even more deeply etched into her soul, and she stretched out a hand to stroke the smooth red locks as she hummed. This was clearly the right thing to do, as the peaceful look on Alexis' face was augmented by her eyes drooping closed. Kate leaned down as she finished going through the song, punctuating the final note with a kiss on Alexis' forehead. "Goodnight sweetheart."

Thinking the girl before her asleep Kate turned toward Rick, only to be stopped dead in her tracks by the whisper from the almost totally sleeping Alexis. "Goodnight, Mommy." Kate could feel the color drain from her face, not only from the words and their meaning (as if that weren't enough) but from the sudden earth shattering clarity these words brought to her earlier troubled feelings.

* * *

As Rick watched Kate react to the startling comment from his daughter, half-asleep or not, his resolve only strengthened. As if he needed any further evidence that the time had come to give a certain something in his drawer at home to Kate, those two words were concrete reinforcement. She's be getting it, and soon!

**Ooh, cliffy! I wonder if anyone can guess what is the certain something Castle's gonna give Kate…. In all seriousness, I'd be incredibly impressed if anyone can get it right. I'm not going to help you guess, but I'll give you half a hint as to what it isn't- I'd set this story about at the stage we're at now, mid-way through season 5. Reviews are welcome!**


	7. Chapter 6

**I'm so so so so so so so sorry! Between trouble finding time to write and figuring out how I wanted this chapter to go (well, except for the most important detail) I can't believe it's taken me this long to update. I have to say congratulations to the anonymous reviewer who managed to guess that detail right! Without further ado, I present the final chapter. (Epilogue to follow)**

Beckett's heart ached for the young redhead in front of her. After all, she'd experienced being a teenage girl with a doting father and she'd experienced a doting Richard Castle. Roll the two up into one and Beckett wondered what the sweet girl in front of her could've possibly done to earn the purgatory following her through the door to the loft after already having been in the hospital.

"Are you sure you don't need anything else? Can I take something else from you? How about a piggy-back..."

"Dad!"

"Castle"

Castle winced at the simultaneous exasperated shouts from his two favorite women.

"Too much?"

Beckett and Alexis fixed him with pointed "No duh" glares.

"Sorry. I just- I need you to be happy." The glares softened, at least.

"I know Dad, and I appreciate it, but right now I'm happy just to be home. Not quite as happy with my father trying to micromanage, but I appreciate the thought at least. For right now, I'm just going to go drop my stuff in my room."

"Alright Pumpkin, see you in a bit. Don't overdo it though, and if you need anything just..." Whatever it is Alexis should do in the event of spontaneously developing a critical need for help in the next sixty seconds was cut off by his lovers hand over his mouth.

"Go. Escape while you can."

Alexis shot Kate a profoundly greatful look. "Where have you been all my life? Back in a minute"

Alexis ran off, leaving Castle and Beckett standing there, Kate's hand covering Rick's mouth, her face shooting back and forth between discomfort and wonder as she looked after the teenager.

"What?" Castle asked as he grabbed the hand that had covered his mouth and used it to pull his girlfriend over to the couch.

"What do you mean?'

"Don't start Kate, I know you deer in the headlights look. What's wrong?"

Kate sighed. "I don't know Castle. It's just... she says things like that, and I can't help but wonder just how she means it, even subconciously. Not to mention..."

"Ah, this wouldn't happen to be about the elephant that rode into the room on the breath of my sleeping daughter?"

"What an image that is writer-boy, but yeah, kind of. I know we haven't talked about what she said, but I can't help but wonder. Does she really see me that way? What about Meredith? And does she even remember saying it? I mean, she was fallling asleep at the time. I don't..."

"Kate, stop. Look at me."

Beckett looked up into the twin lakes she knew so well, seeing a strange combination of love, concern, and... was that nerves?

"Do you want her to have meant it?"

If Beckett hadn't been sitting so close, she doesn't think she'd have heard the nervous little boy voice her boyfriend used to ask the question. Not understanding why he was so edgy, Kate searched for the best way to articulate her answer.

"Castle, I'm human, and I've met Alexis more than once. So naturally I'd love to have her say something like that to me. That doesn't really help." Kate was glad she was sitting down, because she's pretty sure the pure love shining out of Castle's eyes at her for a moment after her answer would've blown her off her feet were she on them. And then again that hint of anxiety, not as strong, but back again.

"It can be," Castle said softly as he took both her hands in one of his before reaching into his coat pocket with the other. Beckett had a flash of insight and felt her heart stop. "Castle..."

As usual, Castle could read her like one of his books. "Relax, Kate. I know we're not ready for that. Not **quite **yet. Beckett felt a combination of relief and wistfulness at his answer. Her breathing eased up. Or at least it did until...

"Although, in some ways this is even bigger."

And there went the breathing again...

Castle's hand came back out of his pocket holding several pieces of paper.

"Kate, there are plenty of people I trust. Some I trust with my money. Others I trust with my business. Some I even trust with my life. But you are the only one, including those I'd said I had, whom I've ever fully trusted with my heart. Some tried to beat their way inside, but even when I let them they only came in so far. But you... you came along, plopped right down in my heart and promptly stole half of it for yourself. Just goes to show how cops think they're above the law."

Kate smiled at his lame joke through her rapidly tearing eyes as he went on with his impromptu speech.

"But there was always that other half of my heart that nobody could get to, that nobody could be trusted with. One person had her foot in it at one point, but she threw it away, and she was the only one to get anywhere near it. Until now." He unfolded the papers. "So, Katherine Beckett, love of my life. Would you accept control of the whole kit and caboodle? Would you be the mother of my child?"

Beckett stared through her tears at the adoption papers in utter disbelief unsure which of her raging thoughts to pick on first.

"But... Meredith..."

Castle snorted. "Kate, if she didn't make it clear how much importance Alexis had to her when she prioritized her "fun" with a man that wasn't her husband over her crying, then she did when she accepted my petition for full custody without so much as a word. She's all mine, Kate, and I'm asking you to let her be yours."

"But I'm not ready to be a..."

"Kate you'd be an incredible mother. You **are** an incredible mother to her already, and I know one day you'll be an incredible mother to whatever stunning Castle babies we make. (Kate blushed at the reminder) Who dropped everything to get to her in the hospital before I could? Who sang her to sleep? Who did she **ask** to sing her to sleep? Who did she call Mommy for the first time since she barely knew how to talk. You're her mom, Kate. All that this is is making her yours in the eyes of the law."

Kate could feel herself warming to the idea, but there was still the most critical question unanswered.

"What about her? What does she think about this?"

Castle opened his mouth to respond, but before any words could come out, Beckett's answer came in the form of a thin pair of arms wrapping around her middle.

"She thought it was the best idea she'd ever heard even before you made it all the obvious by making sure he'd asked me first."

Beckett turned to see a smiling redhead with tears to match her own clinging to her.

"Kate when my father first introduced us I thought you were everything I wished my mother would've been. And then as the years went by you took over so much of that role, whether to my face or through your advice to Dad."

Castle inrterrupted at this point, "How did you..."

"Oh please Dad, I'm not stupid. Do you really think I don't know you've been getting advice from Kate for the last five years. Even if there was any chance in a million years you'd think of half the things she's told you, I interned for a year with Lanie, remember?"

Kate let out a watery chuckle at both the girl's words and her boyfriends cute pout.

"Don't worry Kate, I'm pretty self-sufficient already. I wouldn't need much..." Beckett cut her off by pulling Alexis in and wrapping her arms around her.

"Oh, Lex, of all things that's not one I'm worried about. Whatever you need, I'm always here. But are you sure you want this?"

Her voice lowered to a whisper in Kate's ear, Alexis replied, "Never been more sure of anything."

Trying and failing miserably to hold back a sob, Kate turned to a beaming Castle while still holding Alexis and changed the lives of everyone in the room forever.

"Do you have a pen?"

**Well, what do you think?**


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